Luciana, 32
Hello, I’m Luciana and my life has changed since I became diabetic, in 1988. Two months after the diagnosis I started overeating and to make up for it I took insulin.
I used to do that away from other people, because at that time the diabetes treatment comprised two daily doses of NPH. The use of Regular Insulin was sporadic and done only to correct blood glucose much higher than the normal. At that time there was neither insulin lispro, aspart, glargina and many others, nor carbohydrate counting and treatment with multiple doses of insulin. It didn’t take long until I put on weight. Six months after the diagnosis of diabetes I remembered how much I’ve lost weight before it. This way, I decided to abandon, temporarily, the doses of insulin to lose weight (meanwhile I’d eat anything). After some time, I would take them again. But that was just a bitter mistake.
I got thin but I couldn’t help having the wrong eating habit. I even tried. But any common mistake in feeding, a simple hypoglycemia requiring the intake of sugary foods would make me completely terrified about the idea of putting on weight. And, once again, I would abandon or reduce the doses of insulin required. Eating freely and being thin was tempting but also scary. Many times I’ve cried at night, fearing for my future, desperate the consequences would come if I didn’t change that behavior.
The biggest problem is that such behavior would affect my whole life: studies, relationships, friendships, projects. I had difficulties in continuing things, because the simplest task which was taking care of myself seemed to be impossible to me. How about the other ones? I became an angry, stressed out, stubborn and depressed girl and my self-esteem was extremely low. When I was able to control diabetes, I would overeat and end up putting on weight. It didn’t take too long to abandon the insulin doses (and overeating) in order to get thin. My life and my thoughts revolved around my problem.
I visited the most different doctors but none of them could tell what I was going through. They would just limit themselves to tell me I was rebellious, I should have will power otherwise I would regret. After such a speech they would treat me the same way they did to the other patients. I’ve never heard about any other person who did what I had been doing and I thought to be the only person in the universe going through that. I’ve had years of psychotherapy, but I wouldn’t improve what I needed the most: taking care of my diabetes.
In 2000, 12.5 years after the diagnosis of diabetes, I had the greatest pleasure of taking part in a group of young adults with diabetes of this Diabetes Association. From that moment on my life began to change. I had the opportunity to meet a girl, “F”, who talked openly about what she was going through. I really thought I was the one who was talking. The same difficulties, the neglect of insulin to get thin and deep sadness for doing that. I was overwhelmed and shocked. I found out I wasn’t the only one in the world. For the first time I could openly speak and I was shameless about what I did. That was a great relief.
At the same camp I met a guy who was also diabetic and we got married. From the beginning he knew about my difficulties and he was firm, demanding and, at the same time, loving to me. His help was essential to my recovery. Furthermore I met “N” who also had the same problem. The fact that I could talk about it, the everyday help from a member of my family and the works in which I got involved to help people with diabetes were crucial in making the diabulimia stop being part of my life.
Since the end of 2000, I’ve been taking care of my diabetes easily and calmly. I eat regularly, I test my blood, I always take insulin and I haven’t put on weight any longer. I’ve neither thought about “not taking” insulin nor overeaten anymore. Diabulimia is something that is part of my past. My hemoglobin A1C are, most of the times, below 7 (before 2000, may of them were over 15).
I had some complications due to the years of diabulimia, which are: kidney disease, which is controlled by medication, dental wear and a problem in my left eye, which was treated in a laser session in 1999. Despite all the complications I had, I am fine now. I go out, travel, work. My marriage has ended but it didn’t affect my control and diabetes care.
Only in 2009 I came to know that the problem I had gone through was called diabulimia and recently I have started taking part in medical debates. When I read about it I had a crying fit. After all, what I had done in the past wasn’t just rebellion, but a serious health problem and common to many girls and women worldwide.
Ever since I’ve decided to study about the subject so I could help people who are going through what I did, since I’m a psychologist and I do believe that diabulimia may have an end. My experience makes me believe that a differentiated approach may stop this destructive behavior of diabulimia and that way change the history of many girls and women.
**Translated from Portuguese**
I used to do that away from other people, because at that time the diabetes treatment comprised two daily doses of NPH. The use of Regular Insulin was sporadic and done only to correct blood glucose much higher than the normal. At that time there was neither insulin lispro, aspart, glargina and many others, nor carbohydrate counting and treatment with multiple doses of insulin. It didn’t take long until I put on weight. Six months after the diagnosis of diabetes I remembered how much I’ve lost weight before it. This way, I decided to abandon, temporarily, the doses of insulin to lose weight (meanwhile I’d eat anything). After some time, I would take them again. But that was just a bitter mistake.
I got thin but I couldn’t help having the wrong eating habit. I even tried. But any common mistake in feeding, a simple hypoglycemia requiring the intake of sugary foods would make me completely terrified about the idea of putting on weight. And, once again, I would abandon or reduce the doses of insulin required. Eating freely and being thin was tempting but also scary. Many times I’ve cried at night, fearing for my future, desperate the consequences would come if I didn’t change that behavior.
The biggest problem is that such behavior would affect my whole life: studies, relationships, friendships, projects. I had difficulties in continuing things, because the simplest task which was taking care of myself seemed to be impossible to me. How about the other ones? I became an angry, stressed out, stubborn and depressed girl and my self-esteem was extremely low. When I was able to control diabetes, I would overeat and end up putting on weight. It didn’t take too long to abandon the insulin doses (and overeating) in order to get thin. My life and my thoughts revolved around my problem.
I visited the most different doctors but none of them could tell what I was going through. They would just limit themselves to tell me I was rebellious, I should have will power otherwise I would regret. After such a speech they would treat me the same way they did to the other patients. I’ve never heard about any other person who did what I had been doing and I thought to be the only person in the universe going through that. I’ve had years of psychotherapy, but I wouldn’t improve what I needed the most: taking care of my diabetes.
In 2000, 12.5 years after the diagnosis of diabetes, I had the greatest pleasure of taking part in a group of young adults with diabetes of this Diabetes Association. From that moment on my life began to change. I had the opportunity to meet a girl, “F”, who talked openly about what she was going through. I really thought I was the one who was talking. The same difficulties, the neglect of insulin to get thin and deep sadness for doing that. I was overwhelmed and shocked. I found out I wasn’t the only one in the world. For the first time I could openly speak and I was shameless about what I did. That was a great relief.
At the same camp I met a guy who was also diabetic and we got married. From the beginning he knew about my difficulties and he was firm, demanding and, at the same time, loving to me. His help was essential to my recovery. Furthermore I met “N” who also had the same problem. The fact that I could talk about it, the everyday help from a member of my family and the works in which I got involved to help people with diabetes were crucial in making the diabulimia stop being part of my life.
Since the end of 2000, I’ve been taking care of my diabetes easily and calmly. I eat regularly, I test my blood, I always take insulin and I haven’t put on weight any longer. I’ve neither thought about “not taking” insulin nor overeaten anymore. Diabulimia is something that is part of my past. My hemoglobin A1C are, most of the times, below 7 (before 2000, may of them were over 15).
I had some complications due to the years of diabulimia, which are: kidney disease, which is controlled by medication, dental wear and a problem in my left eye, which was treated in a laser session in 1999. Despite all the complications I had, I am fine now. I go out, travel, work. My marriage has ended but it didn’t affect my control and diabetes care.
Only in 2009 I came to know that the problem I had gone through was called diabulimia and recently I have started taking part in medical debates. When I read about it I had a crying fit. After all, what I had done in the past wasn’t just rebellion, but a serious health problem and common to many girls and women worldwide.
Ever since I’ve decided to study about the subject so I could help people who are going through what I did, since I’m a psychologist and I do believe that diabulimia may have an end. My experience makes me believe that a differentiated approach may stop this destructive behavior of diabulimia and that way change the history of many girls and women.
**Translated from Portuguese**